Reminder for the next time you’re frustrated:
You don’t need to vent or get anything off your chest.
Every time we do that, when we rehash a frustration with a willing participant, we’re actually placing ourselves back at the scene of the crime. We’re returning to the same feelings of anger, betrayal, or anxiety that we had before and reliving them.
It’s like peeling a scab and expecting it to relieve some pressure. All it does is restart the bleeding and prolong the healing process.
In an attempt to get something off our chest, most of the time, we’re just adding more weight because we usually do it with a person who chooses to confirm rather than wisely affirm our frustrations:
“Yea, I’d be pissed off, too!” “I can’t believe they said that!” “You can’t let people treat you that way!”
So, not only are we reliving old hurts. We’re adding to them. “You know what you’re right! I didn’t even think about that part!” We reignite the flame and then add fuel to it.
What we should do instead is observe our frustration. Don’t push it down. Don’t hide it away. Simply observe the feeling(s).
Where is it located? In the gut, twisting like an angry knot? Is it in the jaw, clenched tight? Is it our hands balling into fists? Notice the feeling. Allow the sensation. Honor its attempt to be noticed, and then, breathing slowly, let it pass.
That’s how we handle our complicated feelings.
Now, this may lead to other interventions like painful conversations or talking things over with a professional—who, by the way, is most likely not the friend who’s always eager to chime in. They may not be qualified to hold space for where we’re at in those moments.
We don’t need to vent or get anything off our chests. Most of the time, we simply need to observe the weight, honor its message, and allow it to pass.
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