Who Belongs in Your Circle?
The most obvious strategy is to focus on shared interests:
âI like fishing. Jim likes fishing. I guess weâre fishing buddies!â
Another common approach is to form connections based on a shared season of life:
âOur kids play sports together, so we spend a lot of time around each other. And they donât give off serial killer vibes. SoâŠâ
Both of these are fine starting points. One of my closest friendships began with a shared love of sneakers (and music and a million other things). But while that formed a connection, our bond was built on something deeper.
Hereâs the truth: shared interests and similar phases of life are unnecessary and sometimes link us with the wrong people.
Some of the most transformative and empowering relationships in your life may be with people who have radically different hobbies and see the world in wildly different ways
So, whatâs more important than shared interests?
Shared Values > Shared Interests
âShared values allow us to unite around shared ideals. When we agree upon them, we are also agreeing to be bound by the behaviors that support the upholding of them.â - Bernadette Jiwa
No, Jim. I donât want to go fishing with you. But your commitment to integrity? That puts us in the same boat. (See what I did there?)
We should build our lives with people who make us better, not just comfortable. People whose internal interestsâvalues like honesty, generosity, or courageâalign with our own.
The Shift
Move beyond surface-level connections. Look for people whose values inspire you to grow, whose example challenges you to step into the best version of yourself.
The Challenge
Reflect on the people closest to you. Are they helping you grow or just keeping you company? This week, try to engage with someone who seems nothing like you. Learn about their interests, but listen closely for their values.
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