The WAVE Method

🤔 How to keep a moment from becoming a mood

Someone said emotions are just energy in motion, and that’s an apt description.

Every emotion is natural, rising and falling like a wave in the ocean. Even the ones we label “negative” aren’t inherently problematic.

Unless we resist them, of course. That’s when we get stuck. We allow a moment to become a mood that stains an entire day.

Below is a practice I call the WAVE Method. It’s designed to help you process and release an emotion in as little as 90 seconds:

W - Witness

Become aware of the emotion, and name it.

You might think (or say) something like,

“I’m noticing a wave of anxiety.”

Notice, the thought isn’t “I AM anxious,” or “I have anxiety.”

There’s a clear distinction between identifying an emotion and identifying with an emotion. It’s critical to understand that you are not your anxiety, anger, or pain.

By simply labeling an emotion, you help quiet your brain’s alarm system (the amygdala), making it easier to pass through.

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A - Allow

“What you resist persists.”

Instead of wrestling your emotions, you accept them without judgment.

Let’s say someone at work criticizes your idea in a meeting.

As you feel the sensation of blood rushing to your cheeks and your jaw tightening, you remind yourself:

“Embarrassment is a perfectly natural response to being called out.”

It’s not right. It’s not wrong. It’s natural.

Acceptance prevents secondary emotions. For example, when you wrestle with embarrassment, shame might show up to tag team—“What’s wrong with me?!”—followed closely by anger. “How dare you make me look bad in front of these people!”

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V - Vent

Let energy flow, not fester.

Emotion takes place in the mind AND the body. Therefore, as we process the mental, we also need to regulate the physical.

Examples:

Box Breathing

• In through the nose (4 seconds)

• Hold (4 seconds)

• Exhale (4 seconds)

• Hold (4 seconds)

Seek out three colors in the room

• This creates sensory redirection, which anchors the brain in the present and lowers the brain’s threat response.

Take a walk

• Not always possible, but always a good idea.

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E - Engage

Re-enter the moment with clear intention.

Ask yourself, “Who do I want to be in this moment?” Or “If the best version of me was in control right now, what would I do?”

Then take one small action in that direction. Instead of lashing out in anger or shrinking in shame at the colleague who criticized your idea, you might take a deep breathe and say,

“Thanks for your honest feedback. It gives me something to consider.”

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W - Witness

A - Allow

V - Vent

E - Engage

Instead of being overwhelmed by your emotions, learn to ride them out and let them go.

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