We all get frustrated sometimes. We create expectations and then get stressed or angry when they aren’t met. That’s normal. But it isn’t necessary.
Intentionally happy people give up something the rest of us are addicted to:
Musturbation.
The term masturbation was coined by the psychologist Albert Ellis, and it gets at the idea that we suffer most because we must have things a certain way.
“I must succeed in order to feel good about myself.”
“My significant other, or my friends, or my boss must treat me a certain way for me to be OK.”
And the problem with that is it calls for a ton of effort but no release. There’s so much friction, but we don’t get anything out of it (aside from more suffering).
So, here’s what we do instead—we get rid of the must. Instead of I must succeed…
“I prefer to succeed. I feel really good when I do. But even when I fail, I take those losses and turn them into lessons.”
Instead of my significant other, friend, or boss must treat me a certain way…
“Of course, I prefer them to treat me this way. I feel best when they do. But when they don’t choose to prioritize me, I choose to prioritize myself. And from there, I can have constructive conversations about how I prefer to be treated.”
If you want to be truly fulfilled, stop musturbating, and take your happiness into your own hands. If you know what I mean.
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