Hold a Relational Posture
🤔 How to connect with humans
One thing I do for a living is teach people how to connect with other humans.
On the surface, this seems ridiculous. After all, we’re wired for connection right out of the box.
But I’ve learned that I can give a person a word-for-word script, a demonstration on the dynamics of tone, the importance of eye contact, and the role that posture plays in establishing rapport; I can create an environment for role-play and practice, and that person will still fail to connect.
In fact, sometimes, the tools make things worse!
When this happens, it usually comes down to one thing (apart from the manufactured nature of the exchange):
They’re thinking about the how, not the who.
If I’m consumed with what to do with my hands and whether or not I’m smiling with my eyes, I miss the person in front of me. For genuine connection, we need a relational posture. For that moment (or thirty), there’s no one else on the planet. I’m leaning in emotionally and attentionally (is that a word?).
This isn’t a tactic. There’s no cheat sheet or acronym to draw from. It’s the gift of presence, available to all of us at all times.
Be fascinated, and connection will follow.
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