It’s nearly impossible to advise someone on remaining calm once you’ve already reached the top of the rollercoaster. The best you can offer is a hand to squeeze and a shoulder to press their face into on the way down.
I was reminded of this recently while working with someone I coach. They came to me with tears in their eyes and an obviously elevated heart rate. Empathetic genius that I am, I proceeded to give them a four-step process for reframing the issue.
Was the advice sound? Absolutely. It has been widely tested and proven.
Was the advice helpful? Not one bit. It was like handing a drowning person instructions for staying afloat.
What I should have done is given them a hand to hold (metaphorically, in this case). I should have been a shoulder of support as they rode out the steep emotional drop-off and then, once they came back down to Earth, given them tips for handling their next ride.
Learn from my mistake. Never extend advice when someone is reaching for a hand.
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